Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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