I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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