I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
