I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
