She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
