I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
