I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
