Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
