if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
