You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
