I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
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Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
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TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize