I am midnight drunk by noon
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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