It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
