Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
