More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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