My friends, they love my intelligence
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
