Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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