I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
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I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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