lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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