Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
