About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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