Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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