i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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