She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
