3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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