Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
