Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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