So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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