i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
