6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
