dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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