my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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