Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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