they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
