2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
