I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
