apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
