Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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