Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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