I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
