My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
