Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
