I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
smell my finger.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
