I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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