Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
