i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
