If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
