Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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