dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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