While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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