Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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