Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
