The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
