He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
