Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
