I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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