And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
