i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize