She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
