I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
