I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.