he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me