My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.