I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
