I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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